don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
