so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
