dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
