and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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