You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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