i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
