That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
