1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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