It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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