No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
