I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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