She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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