if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
