Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
