I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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