There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
