I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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