the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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