I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
