He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
