please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
