If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
