Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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