i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
