Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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