He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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