so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
