I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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