I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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