Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
