I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
