I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
