I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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