Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
