Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
