Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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