I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
