at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i think i just lost a toe
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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