stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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