Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My penis needs a shock collar
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
