Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm bleeding and have questions
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
