Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
