So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
