my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
