Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
