how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
