I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
