I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
