I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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