Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
