I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
