We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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