You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
