I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
