Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
