Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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